To stop or not to stop

“Courage is not about the strength to go on; it’s going on when you don’t have the strength”

Today after 249 days on the road and for the last couple of days I have been feeling exhausted. Having no fixed home, moving to a new culture language all the time and carrying what I own in my backpack
What do I do, should I stop or should I keep going? Drained, beaten up, powerless, no energy or mental strength to keep up with a daily life traveller’s worries and actions:

– What is the weather like today?
– Where should I go?
– Rent a bike? take a taxi?
– hire a guide, or wonder around alone?
– where to eat?
– how much money do I still have and how much should I limit myself to?
– check Couchsurfing group if I can join other travelers.
– I see a solo traveller may be I should talk to
– Think about how long to stay in this destination and when to make the next move
– How fast is the internet today, so I would know, if I can post pictures online? if I can call home? if I can talk on Skype…
– Check flight prices and decide when to leave this country to the next one
– Leave at this time
– Go here and there,
– Choose place to have lunch
– …..

These are just few of daily traveler’s thoughts. Nothing can be left to luck or hope to find a plan ready when you wake up. No routine and a lot of surprises. It sounds fantastic but it is a big mental challenge. You have to have a thousand and one motives to be able to keep going. You need to find a beauty in everything you see in a day to keep up and look forward to see more tomorrow.

For the last couple of nights I kept saying “ok may be it’s time to take a break and stop” and every morning I wake up with action that is the complete opposite of the night thought.
The evening I was leaving to Myanmar, country #13 on this trip, I said: may be I sould’ve stopped, do I really have to go just because I planned to.
In the morning I took the train to the airport and here I am in Myanmar.
The 1st night I was in Myanmar I said. Ok I can’t do it, I don’t have the energy, especially that the country is not touristy it’s not going to be an easy trip, I should stop. May be I should just fly out tomorrow.
In the morning, I was in the travel agency buying my bus ticket to the next town: Bagan. The city that Marco Polo described as a “gilded city alive with tinkling bells and the swishing sounds of monks’ robes”

4am, after 12 hours bus ride here I am in Bagan, lucky to find a room in a hotel that let me use the room right away and not wait until 12am checking time.
Still feeling exhausted I decide to take it easy and not do much and I opened facebook page thinking I am crazy to keep going when I know I don’t have the strength. Suddenly a friend of mine who didn’t know about my situation she put this quote: “Courage is not about the strength to go on; it’s going on when you don’t have the strength” and I said I am not crazy but courageous, courageous to live outside the daily routine, to have my belonging on my back and see new faces discover new culture and hear another language ans melody; so I’m going to keep going 🙂

IMG_9136
Finding energy in old Pictures 🙂

2 responses to “To stop or not to stop

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